And you know, that hour when we are in my bed is easily my favorite part of my day. Clark is relaxed because he just ate, but he's also really alert. Maybe he's going to be a morning person? (He didn't get it from me if so...) We cuddle together and we talk about the day ahead and I give Clark the weather forecast. Because it's very important for a baby to know what to expect in terms of weather. I make faces at him and he stares intently into my eyes, trying to work it all out, I suppose. He stretches the most adorable baby stretches and sometimes stares at the ceiling fan while making cooing noises. This back and forth of lovely nothingness goes on and on until I start to feel a little guilty about the fact that it's almost 9:00am and I'm still in my nightgown so maybe we should get dressed? I mean, I wish not, but decency calls so, you know.
Last Thursday we were having our morning conversation in bed when I suddenly realized that it was June 27, which actually means something! It was the day I was supposed to go back to work. Except I quit, remember? OMG, please? Let me say it again?
I QUIT! I QUIT! I QUIT! I QUIT!
Quitting my job is one of the easiest things I have ever done in my life. Ever. I've always sort of wanted to be a stay at home mom, if I'm being honest. And then I got pregnant and I looked into the possibility of going back to work just in case, and the more I researched my options, the more I knew that I just couldn't do it. Dropping off my baby at a daycare scared the crap out of me. Having a nanny was also out. I started picturing some other woman in MY house all day, loving on MY baby, and hanging out with MY dogs and I just got mad that she would be living MY life for me while I was...somewhere else. I didn't even know this mystical nanny person, but I already hated her stinking guts. No, this would not do.
And then Clark was actually born and Jared and I both agreed immediately that we were delusional to ever even entertain the thought of me not staying home. Our little sugar lump needed me! So literally one week after he was born, I quit. And my boss tried to make me "take more time to think it over" and I told him no, I was positive that I would never change my mind, no matter how much money he offered. Being a mommy was my new gig. How's THAT for cliche?!
You know, so many people told me how hard it is to be a stay at home mom. Maybe I will change my mind a few years and a few more babies down the road? Probably. But right now I think it's the easiest job in the world. How can it be hard to spend my entire day loving my baby? We wake up when we want to and we spend the rest of our day doing what we want. My day no longer revolves around some idiotic schedule set by my boss and doing a job that annoys me to no end. I don't have to rush after work to get everything done. Me and my little buddy! The day is ours and it is full of adventures. We do exciting things like...go to the store! Do laundry! Read books! Go on walks! Pack daddy's lunch! Generally ensure the continued roundness of Clark's head! (I'm positively obsessed with flat head issues. OB.SESSED.) And I absolutely LOVE doing every one of these mundane things with Clark hanging out in his swing or sleeping in his carrier on my chest. I can't imagine missing any single moment of my new daytime routine.
And as I was thinking on THAT last Thursday, I realized all at once that at this exact moment, I have every single thing in my life that I have ever had the presence of mind to wish for. If you had asked me years ago (even while living in DC and doing some pretty exciting things!) what I wanted for my future, I would have listed the things I have now. Except even then I could not have pictured my life as great as it is. Truly.
I have the most amazing freckle-faced, red-headed stud of a husband, who is pretty amazing and who loves me! We live in this lovely home and he has a wonderful job. I mean, a hard job. But one that he ultimately enjoys and that provides for us. And we aren't rich by any stretch of the imagination, but we can pay our bills in full every month, and still have a little leftover to play with and to plan for our future. We are so blessed. And we have all these YET UNKNOWN adventures still coming our way with the Air Force and I love that. I love the unknown! (Obviously. Coming from the girl that didn't want to know her baby's gender.) AND we get to do all of this with the most precious little baby boy that we love so much. Healthy baby boy, I should add. AND NOW! I get to spend all of my days with my little dream boat of a baby just soaking it all in. It really is a dream come true, and no, I am not being sarcastic. I swear.
Sometimes I wonder if I feel more appreciative of my life because I'm a teeny bit older? Does having a baby at 31 instead of 21 make you more thankful? I think FOR ME, yes. I don't know that I would have appreciated this life ten years ago. And quite frankly, I think I'm maybe a better mom for those ten years. It's amazing how much more patience and perspective I've gained. Both are traits I was severely lacking for many years. I could still use more, but I'm working on it. One day at a time, right?
Well anyway. I'm just feeling grateful, that's all. It's amazing how sometimes things work out better than you ever imagined they ever could, and it feels good to stop and look around and recognize it for what it is.
And there you go. The ramblings of a STAY AT HOME MOM.